Ouch! That's a good summary of how I have felt for the last 30 hours.
I finished my first marathon and proceeded to do most of the recovery I had done after long (20, 23 & 26 miles) training runs. I didn't stretch as much or as soon. I had my recovery drink of choice, Endurox. I hydrated. I took my ice bath. I wore my compression tights. It wasn't enough to rid me of all of the fatigue and soreness. I felt better, stronger after my 26 mile training run. That run was flat and slower. I think I should have definitely gone slower from the start. Not that I was terribly fast in the race but I didn't feel right. I went with the five hour pace group. I felt like I was always worried about keeping up and staying with them. That should have been the first clue!
It was a bad race, mentally. I could not ever really get out of my head. I kept worrying and the negative thoughts kept popping up. It wasn't a light training run with friends. It was a race with thousands of people. I run races ALONE. I can't worry about others. And it's not about the times. It's all about me! Taking care of myself and enjoying myself and feeling good should have been front and center yesterday - it wasn't. I should have gotten lost in my playlist that I made just for this race. I shouldn't have tried to look for everyone I wanted to see. If I saw them, I saw them - if not, oh well. In the end, the people who truly mattered were there - and easy to spot.
Next year, I will do the half for this race and hope to do the full Disney the month before. I will be stronger, smarter for that one. I will do it my way. I will take care of myself, because in the end, I'm the one crossing the finish line. I will come back and do the full one day at 26.2 with Donna. I won't let it beat me. I will run the full 26.2 and not just 20.2. I will finish strong.
My next race will be the Gate River Run. As I did last year, I will run my own race. It's on my birthday, after all. I'm running this one to celebrate ME!